05.23.25 | Phuket

I sleep soundly, but the jet lag has me up at five or six again. I tough it out until just before seven and give up. We go to the sea after a light breakfast. The waves are taller today. Too strong for Mom’s knee. So she and Dad decide to walk the beach instead.

My brother and I fight the waves. Trying to wade out far enough to catch a big one and bodysurf it back to shore. We have little success. Most forward progress is nullified by the ocean’s disinterested shrugs. Diving under or jumping over the froth of oncoming waves is equally inefficient. One tackles you backward, the other tumbles you into the seabed. We enjoy the strife. And the few good rides. But I also enjoy the silent swells. The sea rises from my waist to chest to neck. A cerulean summit blocks the horizon and I leap weightless as a dandelion seed--up, up, and over--until my feet feel sand again.

We decide to walk the beach as well once the surf beats us into submission. A drizzle started while we were in the water. The flat gray clouds cleared. The sun appeared for the first time that morning and turned the waves from navy to teal, and the rain fell amber. We are far down the crescent of the beach when the clouds return, darker. The rain begins to pelt. I forgot it could sting.

We meet Mom and Dad on their way back to the resort to move our bags and towels. My brother decides to return with them, but I want to see the end of the beach. The rain waxes and wanes as I walk. Old eastern europeans sit under umbrellas and trees. Surfers take advantage of the storm-fueled swells. The waves roll a barnacled log up and down the beach. I can’t tell if they are playing or arguing. A tourist taking a surfing lesson rides a meager wave and stays up on the board all the way to shore. I’m impressed.

I reach the end of the cove--a wall of tropical greenery and a canal that leads inland into town. I turn around and follow my footprints back that have begun to fade like watercolor. I begin to compose this entry in my head. Wondering if there is a theme or message for this moment. A poignant conclusion. And decide there isn’t. I went for a walk and enjoyed the peace of it.

Maybe someday in the future--a month, a year, another decade--my subconscious will take the pieces of this memory and draw lines of association to other notions and present me with an epiphany. But that won’t be rushed. My mind wanders. I think of how I walked with my family and now I walk on alone. I think of how the rain came and went without care. And I keep walking.